Series 2: Kapu da Appe — “The Baby Girl”
And so we call her Kapudaappe….
Trouble with my full-time maid and her parents began when I was heavily pregnant and due in a month. With her leaving in a hurry to get married, I had no better choice but to come back to Kapu from Bangalore. Prayers to Appe began back home, and a request from me for permission to fly was a cause for concern, and the doctors were not willing to sign the permission since I was due in twenty days. Miraculously, we got the tickets, and without any query or challenge, I flew in to Mangalore. Appe had called me back with a purpose. As I passed her Gudi (her home) to reach home, I reiterated my prayers to her and stopped by to implore that I desire a baby girl and a healthy baby girl. Navaratri was to begin, and the Gudi started wearing a festive look. The first six days of Navaratri were spent at home, quiet with my parents and my father religiously packing me a brunch snack that varied from goli baje to buns to dal vada and other items apart from a large portion of the gudbud ice cream. All of these savoury and the ice cream were picked up from the Sharda Hotel then, facing the Gudi of the Goddess.
My mother was found very busy in the kitchen, getting ready for the new arrival. Being an excellent seamstress, there were a lot of things she had to stitch and keep ready for the baby. It never bothered her whether the new arrival would be a boy or a girl. I had never confessed my dreams and desire for a baby girl to Amma either. She would never understand what it all meant to me. My accomplices in my dreams and desire for a baby girl were my husband and my father. My father had ensured that he had pulled all his strings and influence to get me registered with a gynaecologist in Manipal. This was a hospital that carried the female name ‘Sonia’, but the belief was that all those who went in for their deliveries there gave birth to baby boys of their desire. The doctor who accepted me at the last minute, despite my complicated pregnancy, was Dr. Gowri, whose name was Parvati and aligned with Kapudaappe. What more could I ask for from Appe? I had started my Navaratri prayers to Kapudappe silently and had made offerings to her. My daughter would be named after one of her forms, Lord Mahalingeshwara. I had shared the name only with my husband and had refused to rise to his bait of a boy’s name just in case. There was no acceptance of the other option.
One afternoon, on the seventh day of Navaratri, I started experiencing false pains and had to be rushed to the hospital. My father was always watchful and available at home for me in case of emergencies. However, he had insisted that the doctor admit me to the hospital after the false pain so that he could rule out all emergency situations. This was the hardest of all the decisions that my father had taken until now.
Every morning at the hospital, when I walked in the corridors with my mother or by myself, the women around me stared at my stomach, studied it, and would say, ‘How big has your stomach grown? I am sure Kapudappe will bless you with a bonny baby boy.’ They claimed they were well experienced and could read from the shape of the stomach that the baby would be a boy. Some others would narrate stories about how anybody who came to deliver in the hospital under the care of my doctor would only be blessed with a baby boy. My heart sank each time I listened to these stories. Instead of joining me in my prayers for a baby girl, here were women talking to my mother about baby boys and the luck that it would bring the family during Navaratri. And who decided that a baby boy would bring the family luck? I would come into the room and burst out in prayer to Kapudaappe and pray harder for a baby girl.
On the tenth day of Dashami, when my daughter was born in the hospital, the doctors kept urging me to go to sleep in the Operation Theatre. The doctor had risked the surgery, and the surgery was successful. But my eyes yearned to read my mother’s face as she showed me my little one’s fingers and noticed the tiny mole on the upper side of her ring finger. My mother nodded her head and said, It is our ponnu; our Kapudaappe has come to us on Vijayadashami! As I drifted to sleep, my heart sent out a small prayer to Appe for granting us a boon and gifting us the greatest gift to our family, our baby girl!
Her dwelling, the devasthana, may have been moved to a better place where larger numbers can flock to seek her protection. Just as we make offerings to rebuild our homes and create more space, our mother needs us to build her new home. The Appe calls us all to come forward and experience her presence in our lives as we together create a new history of her existence.
Note:
The renovation work is at speed of the temple, if you would like to donate please access the link: https://www.srihosamarigudikaup.org/contact-us/
