Not Jane or Lydia, but Elizabeth shall be..

“If I can but see one of my daughters happily settled at Netherfield,” says Mrs. Bennett, in Jane Austen’s novel ‘Pride and Prejudice,’ while talking to her husband, “and all others equally well married, I shall have nothing to wish for.”

Did I sound like that of late? I thought to myself when my daughter teased me. Such sarcasm, I thought to myself. ‘You sound exactly like Mrs. Bennett…humour and the bantering included from Jane Austen, Ma,’ she exclaimed. Mulling over the comparison, I ranted at my husband: Mrs. Bennett had five daughters and no male heir, thankfully we have one and the only one and this is how she compares our families. Mrs. Bennett had no economic skills, but between (my) Mr. Bennett and me, we have been blessed with enough and more. We took enough measures and more to grow to be successful professionals besides preserving the family fortunes. So no ‘impoverished circumstances’ matched the Bennett family. Being matrilineal, our desire for a son was never there. Embarrassment for our daughter, we don’t remember. The only comparison with Mrs. Bennett’s character, from what I could perceive from her statement, was my obsession with marrying my girl to a suitable young man.

The realities and challenges of the marriage of our daughters have converted the thoughts and family conversations into a satirical tableau in a typical Indian family. But to compare me to Mrs. Bennett! Chagrined with the comparison, I set myself to thinking about it…Jane Austen, in her novel ‘Pride and Prejudice,’ used the character of Mrs. Bennett to provide humour and social commentary on the themes of marriage and social status in a comic manner, critiquing the social expectations around marriage, class, gender, and especially the limited options available then to women in her time. Has Indian society changed thereafter? Our girls and boys are equally educated, and our girls are our pride. Then what is lacking in the modern generation? Published in 1813, ‘Pride and Prejudice’ is one of the superb comedies of manners of Regency England and the end of the 18th century. Austen explored the themes of the dependence of women on marriage and the pursuit of social standards and economic security in the novel. However, the themes of class and reputation mirror the societal pressures that an Indian mother like Mrs. Bennett faces. Arranged marriages are prevalent today, and Indian families revere family roles while selecting partners for their daughters. What is comic in all of these situations is the judging of the girl. With technology comes the role of WhatsApp and the exchange of details and photographs of the families. At times, more than the suitor comes the insistence from the parents for the picture of the girl and the horoscope of the girl. How do these five seconds of gazing at a picture of a girl or reading the stars and matching them determine the entire life of potential partners? It remains an enigma. Judging someone based on appearances or family background despite being educated and placed well in society reflects the regressiveness we are surrounded by to date. Add to all this the ignorance of using technology in society…a boon or a bane? WhatsApp users have developed a god complex today. Sharing of profiles and pictures without sensitivity to the girl’s privacy is something that matchmakers in India thrive upon. With cybercrimes increasing day by day, it is sad that we haven’t yet understood the importance of being more careful while using some of these groups. Society and literature are inextricably linked, and this is proved so well by ‘Pride and Prejudice’ as it details the impressions of the society, which apply to this day. Annoying that our thinking has not changed and preference is still for the Janes and Lydias, while the intelligent, smart, talented Elizabeths wait with their ‘lively, playful disposition that delighted anything ridiculous.”

I choose not to be Mrs. Bennett but continue to be the mother who is personally proud of her girl’s intelligence and sense of discernment and determined that she will enter into a marriage, not for financial security or convenience but for a friendship that will lead her to marry the man of her choice.