Defying societal expectations

A quick chat with a mother at a social engagement caught me talking to her about her eligible bachelor son, who strode by. The conversation I had with her forced me to reflect on a different interpretation of feminism and the importance of individuality in modern society. As individuals, even before being categorised into our genders, comes the fact that people must realise the value that they bring to society and learn to respect the power of individuality. The power of gender comes next. It reminded me of Austen’s novel Pride and Prejudice, written when Romanticism was at its peak. Elizabeth’s refusal in the novel to compromise her principles for societal norms was so heroic. With that era passing by, one thought the days of challenging the ideas of Romantics had gone by and that societal expectations no longer mattered in the world of today. What disgruntles me in particular is that men and women who claim to be progressive in their thoughts and actions are nowhere close to the century that we live in and are still preoccupied with the ideology of the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries.

This mother, in particular, who I imagined to be the woman of the modern world, one who clad herself in the smartest pant suits, had biased and prejudiced thinking, making her seem so parochial to me. And then came the claim that she was into learning and development and roles like that, which required broad-minded people in the business world. Her line of thoughts for an alliance that came her way for her son appalled me:

• She had seen women in the corporate world who were great achievers but had no work-life balance. They did not know how to cater to the needs of the family, especially their spouses, and hence she believed that a more qualified girl (than her son) and a career woman were a ‘no’ to her boy.
• She believed that a girl who was comparatively more qualified than a boy could not be a good life partner for the boy who came into her life.
• That when the girl is an intellectual equal to the boy or higher than him in qualification and position, intellectually or in status, would only draw ego battles in a relationship, and such marriages fail.
• The so-called successful women who she has seen in her career were also financially sound, and this financial stability, according to her, posed a threat to any marital relationship.
• Daughters progressing in careers and achievements will not be the right life partners for her adorable son, who has achieved or is trying to achieve a secure job abroad.

Were these the insecurities of the woman or her boy? was my immediate question, turning to the boy. And when I realised that the boy was aligned with her in this, that was disappointment.

Wake up, lady, I thought to myself! Which girl, in her senses, would want to marry her boy with so many insecurities?

Pursuing a relationship for mercenary reasons, men who have no individual power to defend their beliefs, the powerlessness of a young man in comparison to a young achiever woman, the lack of strength to accept a woman for what she is, and most of all, a modern-day woman belittling the triumphs of other women, display the regressive mind of individuals. The insecurities and powerlessness that we transfer as women and mothers to our sons defy the social expectations that we have from society today. Rather than submitting herself to the whims of such women and their sons, I was glad that there were Elizabeths who determined terms of their own and chose successful and meaningful relationships for themselves.